How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
