drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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