6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
