You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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