god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
