That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There r osticjed everywhere
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
