i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
