I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
