Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
