omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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