shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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