I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
