my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
