there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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