But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
