why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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