Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
