You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
