I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
