consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Never let your siblings swipe right.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
