Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
