have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
