This is not my ceiling
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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