I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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