I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
