dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
