you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
