so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
