Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
