Can i not drive my cunt home
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
