Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
