i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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