Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
