Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
