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the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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