Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
