you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
