like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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