I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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