at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
