office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
