I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
