So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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