whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
