Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
