I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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