I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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