what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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