why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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