Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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