Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
should my penis look like a turkey
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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