hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
