Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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