he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
