Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
