i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
