True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
