sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
