he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
