New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
