just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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