If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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