im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
