u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
