Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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