i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
