Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
