Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
