as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Everyone says I win the strip club
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
