dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
