I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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