your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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