I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
