So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
