i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it was like eating out sand paper
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
