God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
