I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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