So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
