a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
