Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's blow job season.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
