guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
