I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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